Elton John and Bernie Taupin once wrote, "I'm sorry seems to be the hardest words". I used to think that was right, but now I'm not so sure...
Last Sunday I read my letter of resignation to our congregation. I had told myself that it was ok, I had read and practiced the letter many times and I was sure that I could keep my emotions in check. However, once again I over estimated my abilities and that one page letter turned into the longest thing that I have ever had to publically read.
I knew that this was comming, and the congregation knew it was comming, and I knew that the Congregation knew, but it still didn't make things any easier. I think that presenting the letter to people whom i have come to care about in a place that, although I sometimes complain about, really made me realize the reality of my leaving.
I have learned that saying goodbye seems to be the hardest words for me! Saying, "I'm sorry," is easy, my pride is not an issue. However, my emotions have always been close to the surface, and it is hard to leave a place you care about, no matter how irritated you can get with the institution at times. And that is the key! That is the reason that I went into the ministry in the first place. It wasn't for the institution, that is the thing I like least in my ministry, it was (and is) for the people. I love people, and I especially love the people of my church!
This has been a wonderful learning experience for me! I have gotten back in touch with the reason for my carrer choice. It was because of people! Will I still continue to vent and moan about the institution of Christianity? But, of course! However, I leave this church with no regrets because of the love that i have shared with its people, and (even more so) the love that they have shared with me!
Goodbye seems to be the hardest word!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
The Distance Calls
As some of you know I will be leaving my church very shortly. I have come to a point in my life, after 2 semesters of questioning and thinking, where action is now required. I am venturing out in search of what God has next for me. As life has it though, I am not exactly sure where the next step will lead. There is a twinkle of light in the overshadowed road ahead, but all I can do is follow the voice of my calling to wherever it may take me.
Below is a poem that I have written as my last newsletter article. I do not claim to be a very good poet, but these sets of couplets capture the pain and confusion that I am feeling, and that others may feel when they know that one chapter of their life is coming to a close yet the next chapter has not yet started. I hope that it communicates the love that I have given and received to those I am leaving as well as letting all of us realize that the past is never as far behind as we might think. It may not be W.B. Yeates, but it is from my heart...feel free to comment as always!
____________________
THE DISTANCE CALLS
The distance calls, you hear its cry.
It beckons, "follow me into the night"
You look down the road you cannot see
You hear the voice, "trust in me".
Looking back you see where you've been
The tears ask why it has to end
"Why can't I stay?" you ask the dark.
While ahead of you ignites a spark.
It's not enough to light your way.
But it lets you know that you can't stay.
Glance back once more, oh! The memories.
Again, your heart begins to grieve.
A smile, a tear, you see those you've loved.
You say a prayer to up above!
Your eyes still linger, just one more look!
You're happy with the path you took.
Once again you hear that voice,
It says that you must make a choice!
"Life goes on, you cannot bend,
For this is not your journey's end"
With a sigh, you take a step.
You tell yourself, "no regrets".
You journey towards that newfound light,
But find the past is never really out of sight.
It encourages; it cheers you on!
For those you leave are never really gone.
Again the voice: "stick with me."
As more and more, you begin to see.
A new adventure is just ahead,
Found on this path that you now tread.
You say, "farewell, we now must part."
You know that this is just the start.
The start of what? I do not know.
However, the future has a lot to show!
But, leave a light in that window pane,
For by God's grace we'll meet again.
"So long, goodbye!" you turn and wave,
As the newfound dark becomes your day!
Below is a poem that I have written as my last newsletter article. I do not claim to be a very good poet, but these sets of couplets capture the pain and confusion that I am feeling, and that others may feel when they know that one chapter of their life is coming to a close yet the next chapter has not yet started. I hope that it communicates the love that I have given and received to those I am leaving as well as letting all of us realize that the past is never as far behind as we might think. It may not be W.B. Yeates, but it is from my heart...feel free to comment as always!
____________________
THE DISTANCE CALLS
The distance calls, you hear its cry.
It beckons, "follow me into the night"
You look down the road you cannot see
You hear the voice, "trust in me".
Looking back you see where you've been
The tears ask why it has to end
"Why can't I stay?" you ask the dark.
While ahead of you ignites a spark.
It's not enough to light your way.
But it lets you know that you can't stay.
Glance back once more, oh! The memories.
Again, your heart begins to grieve.
A smile, a tear, you see those you've loved.
You say a prayer to up above!
Your eyes still linger, just one more look!
You're happy with the path you took.
Once again you hear that voice,
It says that you must make a choice!
"Life goes on, you cannot bend,
For this is not your journey's end"
With a sigh, you take a step.
You tell yourself, "no regrets".
You journey towards that newfound light,
But find the past is never really out of sight.
It encourages; it cheers you on!
For those you leave are never really gone.
Again the voice: "stick with me."
As more and more, you begin to see.
A new adventure is just ahead,
Found on this path that you now tread.
You say, "farewell, we now must part."
You know that this is just the start.
The start of what? I do not know.
However, the future has a lot to show!
But, leave a light in that window pane,
For by God's grace we'll meet again.
"So long, goodbye!" you turn and wave,
As the newfound dark becomes your day!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Our Overkill
Colin Hay (of the "Land down under" and "Who can it be now?" 80's fame) has a song called "Overkill". It has become a great song to me, and was featured in an episode of that wonderful show, Scrubs, who's episode was entitled "My Overkill". The Episode is wonderful because it features Colin Hay as a character singing his song while all around him everyone is trying too hard to make what they want to happen, happen.
Overkill is a wonderful word that really explains a lot about our human nature; when we want something to happen so badly that we will do anything to make our mindset a reality. Humanity is notorious for this, especially we Christians. The truth is that we get a picture in our minds of how we want things to be because that would make everything easy and hunky-dory. We Christians like easy, no strike that!, we LOVE easy! We want all Christians, and gasp!, even the whole world to agree with our individual beliefs because that would make our lives so much easier. Thus I have come to observe that althought the stated goal of Christianity is conversion, the true goal has become conformity.
Our practical theology (the beliefs that can be discerned through an observation of our actions) states that the goal of Christianity is not to spread the faith, but to defend the faith. What kind of message does that kind of language send?
It either says first, that we are at war! Here we have an us against them attitude. With that attitude, we push others away! We call them out, raise our swords (or Bibles) and, call them chickens as they turn and walk away ashamed of the display they have just witnessed. That's called overkill!
Or,
second this implies that we are in the midst of some kind of game and we have to defend against the offensive. Well then you just make it so that no one is taking us seriously anymore! We argue against differing ideals so that we can win? What do we win? More times than not, it is definitly not us winning others to Christ. All we usually win is the trophy of our own egos getting a little bigger because we won the debate by making the other person turn away first.
Christianity has become one big staring contest! That is also overkill! We need to relearn the art of forming real relationships! We need to learn to listen and (gasp*) consider differing opinions. I know that my views have changed over the years, and that they will change even more in years to come. The honest-to-God truth is that NO ONE has all the answers (no, not even us Christians) and every person has something of value to add to this world, no matter what their beliefs. That is the beauty of being created in the image of God. If we take the time and expend the effort, we can find aspects of God in every person! I know many Christians (esp. Baptists) like to claim that they have the monopoly on all the answers, and they call that Truth, but the real Truth is that God is still revealing himself, and he has made no one group privy to an exclusive on the Almighty.
"So, what are you saying there Justin? Are you saying that Truth is realitive?" Well, maybe I am and maybe I'm not, to harp on that is to miss my point entirely! My point is that we should stop trying so hard to push our personal agendas, and spend more of our time listening to those around us and treating them as we would want to be treated: with respect! We need to stop our overkill. We need to help people to feel comfortable with us, even when we differ in our opinions. We need to have faith that God can work even in the midst of differences, i mean, he is God after all.
J.D. in the episode of Scrubs "My Overkill", learns a valuable lesson in the end. He learns that there is such a thing as trying too hard. His narrative voice states that "It's funny.... I guess sometimes when you do nothing at all, things just have a way of fixing themselves." Maybe that should be our attitude too. Maybe we should back off a little and have faith that God will work through us without having to resort to fighting of trivializing our beliefs in the face of differences. Perhaps if we give God just a little more room, he can undo the damage that we are continually doing, and allow others to see him through us by the work of the Holy Spirit.
Overkill is a wonderful word that really explains a lot about our human nature; when we want something to happen so badly that we will do anything to make our mindset a reality. Humanity is notorious for this, especially we Christians. The truth is that we get a picture in our minds of how we want things to be because that would make everything easy and hunky-dory. We Christians like easy, no strike that!, we LOVE easy! We want all Christians, and gasp!, even the whole world to agree with our individual beliefs because that would make our lives so much easier. Thus I have come to observe that althought the stated goal of Christianity is conversion, the true goal has become conformity.
Our practical theology (the beliefs that can be discerned through an observation of our actions) states that the goal of Christianity is not to spread the faith, but to defend the faith. What kind of message does that kind of language send?
It either says first, that we are at war! Here we have an us against them attitude. With that attitude, we push others away! We call them out, raise our swords (or Bibles) and, call them chickens as they turn and walk away ashamed of the display they have just witnessed. That's called overkill!
Or,
second this implies that we are in the midst of some kind of game and we have to defend against the offensive. Well then you just make it so that no one is taking us seriously anymore! We argue against differing ideals so that we can win? What do we win? More times than not, it is definitly not us winning others to Christ. All we usually win is the trophy of our own egos getting a little bigger because we won the debate by making the other person turn away first.
Christianity has become one big staring contest! That is also overkill! We need to relearn the art of forming real relationships! We need to learn to listen and (gasp*) consider differing opinions. I know that my views have changed over the years, and that they will change even more in years to come. The honest-to-God truth is that NO ONE has all the answers (no, not even us Christians) and every person has something of value to add to this world, no matter what their beliefs. That is the beauty of being created in the image of God. If we take the time and expend the effort, we can find aspects of God in every person! I know many Christians (esp. Baptists) like to claim that they have the monopoly on all the answers, and they call that Truth, but the real Truth is that God is still revealing himself, and he has made no one group privy to an exclusive on the Almighty.
"So, what are you saying there Justin? Are you saying that Truth is realitive?" Well, maybe I am and maybe I'm not, to harp on that is to miss my point entirely! My point is that we should stop trying so hard to push our personal agendas, and spend more of our time listening to those around us and treating them as we would want to be treated: with respect! We need to stop our overkill. We need to help people to feel comfortable with us, even when we differ in our opinions. We need to have faith that God can work even in the midst of differences, i mean, he is God after all.
J.D. in the episode of Scrubs "My Overkill", learns a valuable lesson in the end. He learns that there is such a thing as trying too hard. His narrative voice states that "It's funny.... I guess sometimes when you do nothing at all, things just have a way of fixing themselves." Maybe that should be our attitude too. Maybe we should back off a little and have faith that God will work through us without having to resort to fighting of trivializing our beliefs in the face of differences. Perhaps if we give God just a little more room, he can undo the damage that we are continually doing, and allow others to see him through us by the work of the Holy Spirit.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The Atypical Me
check out
http://jeremiahthirtyone.blogspot.com/2006/06/this-morning-our-youth-minister-justin.html
It is such a humbling feeling when the Holy Spirit uses you. That is all i ask in life, that i am servant to the will of God and his presence in the lives of others!
Thank you for the wonderful compliment LeAnne!!!
http://jeremiahthirtyone.blogspot.com/2006/06/this-morning-our-youth-minister-justin.html
It is such a humbling feeling when the Holy Spirit uses you. That is all i ask in life, that i am servant to the will of God and his presence in the lives of others!
Thank you for the wonderful compliment LeAnne!!!
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