Escaping the Secular: Christians and the School System

For the original/full story click here

Ok, so today's paper (Sunday, Aug. 26th if i post after 12am), I have to say when I had heard what made the front page of the paper I was a tab bit shocked! The day before traditional schools start, and the Raleigh N&O runs this story (which I think they do unbiasedly) because of the school relation and Christian (specifically Southern Baptist) parents opting their kids out of the public school system.

Alright, so I know this isn't a new thing. And please know, as a pastor said this morning about this topic, I am in full support of a parent's decision to do what they think is best for their kids. I know that in some places private school is the only option for a truly decent education, but that is def. not the case in the Wake Co. School systems of NC. I also know that there are times that a parent sees the need to home-school their child because of special needs. Again, I completely am in support of that decision.

However, I draw attention to this because of the REASON that is stated by the president of Southeastern:

"In the public schools, you don't just have neutrality, you have hostility toward organized religion," said Daniel Akin, president of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest. "A lot of parents are fed up."


Now I went to public schools, both of my parents have worked within the NC public school system, my mother-in-law was a RR teacher, and my wife is a proud counselor in the Wake Co. School System! There are some strong Christians (esp. my wife) within our public schools! As my wife said on her facebook note, she is proud of the kids that she has the opportunity to help each day!

Now again, I can understand pulling your kid out of public schools for a lot of reasons, but the accusations made are simply unfounded. THERE IS NO HOSTILITY TOWARDS ANY RELIGION IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. But therein lies the problem for these Christians. The Schools are being respectful of all religions and not pushing Christian principles on the many Hindus and Muslims that we have in our area. They are upholding EVERYONE'S constitutional right of freedom of religion.

Now IDK, if anyone watched God's Warriors: A CNN Special, especially the 3rd part about God's Christian warriors (if not, click on the link, and check some of that out!), but this is exactly how the religious right is going. Another quote from the N&O:

"Southern Baptists have become convinced that fighting to change the system is futile. They say public schools have long demonstrated a commitment to teaching evolution over creationism, world faiths over Christianity, sex education over abstinence, moral relativism over Christian claims of truth."

So herein lies the real issue: These religious people with this view (The Religious Right) want to shelter themselves from the "evil" culture. They believe that their kids being exposed to the scientific theory of evolution, the understanding of other faith positions, and responsible sex education (where, News Flash, abstinence is still taught as the foremost sexual choice) will make them "unclean". Hmmm......now there seems to me that I remember some other group of people back in the day that didn't want to be "unclean"....who was that??? OH YEAH, the pious Pharisees!!!! That's right I remember that now! Wasn't there someone who told them they were wrong.... who was that guy??? It wasn't Christ was it? No, it couldn't have been! I mean these guys in the SBC are Christian aren't they? That means that they would follow the teachings of Christ right? They wouldn't become like those Christ put the smack-down on! soooo...I guess I'm at a loss on this one.

Seriously though (that was all sarcasm by the way), It deeply saddens me that here in this article, as well as on the CNN special, that all of the Conservative Christians are hiding in their bunkers from the world. This goes back to my last post, they are scared! I just can't wrap my head around what they're so scared of. Well, they've pigeon-holed themselves into a corner by how they've systematically boxed in their God, and ground themselves on the 3 "major" issues (gay marriage, abortion, and abstinence only ed. in the schools), so that as one person said on the CNN special: "they can never admit their wrong, because [in their eyes] that would mean God's wrong! That's what happens when you take a completely literal, black and white, "I know everything about God and I can't be wrong" attitude towards Christianity.

Here's an option; teach kids to think for themselves and stop indoctrinating them (in other words, allow them to become real human beings with all the critical thinking abilities that God gave them), love them and talk to them at home, and perhaps those kids will turn out fine in the end. Of course, I know many people that went to public school and turned out just fine!

The most sad part to me is that Christians sometimes feel like they have to create a "counter culture". This is in their view, a pure Christian culture separate within the existing culture of America. Basically this is a fantasy Role Playing Game where everyone will (idealistically) remain pure because they only listen to Christian music, unmarried men and women are separated and "court" (see the book "I kissed dating goodbye" and the likes), they are taught
creationism only, as well as abstinence only education. Thus enters the mass marketing of Christianity (saved for a later post). However, Christ came into this world to teach us to heal this world and interact with it's culture, not to create a protective bubble and cut ourselves off. Something just doesn't seem to fit well with those 2 perspectives!

yes, I know this is a lot of ranting, but I just want people who live like this to see what they are doing. Because the tighter you pull into that nice Christian bubble, the faster it will implode! Yes, I think that these Christians (esp. politically) are hurting our country and our faith, but according to the Sacred text of the USofA: The Constitution (no not the Bible contrary to some popular thought): they have every right to believe what they choose to believe because of freedom of religion. It would be sad if they killed themselves off just because they refused to live and act in the realm of reality!

Under Construction: A different view of the Church

La Sagrada Familia Bascilica ("the holy family"): Barcelona, Spain
picture from website below


La Sagrada Familia (as you can see from the picture) is a church under construction. However, unlike most basilicas that we saw during our tour of italy that were under renovation, this church is still being built. The interesting thing is, it's construction was started in 1882.

La Sagrada Familia, is the artistic vision of Antoni Gaudí, who died in Barcelona in 1926, obviously never seeing his architectural/artist dream come to it's fruition. Adorned within it's architecture are beautiful scenes representing the story of Christ from all 4 gospels. When finally complete in 2026 it will hopefully be all that the architect dreamed it would be, although from other people's hands.

This brings up something that I have been thinking about lately about the Church; specifically the American protestant church. It has been mentioned in conversation to me, that especially in the south, the Church is at LEAST 40 years behind what's really going on in the world today. So far behind, that the modern Church can't even dialogue with the world because they are not speaking the same language (the language of a POSTmodern world)! They are too caught up defending their fort (the same old issues that the rest of civilization moved on from a while back), and in doing things "the way they've always been done"!

now I know that isn't a new argument, and younger people in the Church have heard it for more than one generation. I'm sure it wouldn't take me long to go back through my blog posts to find more than one occasion where I talk about how much I hate that sentence!

The Church needs to change in order to stay relevant in the world today, and on into the future. More people are finally seeing that and struggling with what the next "model" of doing church will be. They look to the Mega-church movement, and try to apply templates. They look at things that Emergent is doing and try to faddishly use an approach or two to bring in more people so that they feel like they are not dying!

But here's the new perspective for me on this "way we've always done it". There NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN A "WAY WE'VE ALWAYS DONE IT"! Yes, there are models that served us well in the 50's, but has lost it's effectiveness every year. Yet the Church will cling desperately to those "programs" long after they've died. No wonder the Church is so far behind in it's dialogue with the world; it's too busy trying to remain relevant to those who have always been in their halls.

So this brings us back to La Sagrada Familia. I think that this amazing and beautiful structure, still under construction, can teach us something. The Architect had a grand vision. He didn't live long enough to see it through, so it is continued by his "disciples". Have things changed from his original vision? I'm sure they have. I'm sure that the designers and workers now do their best to keep with his original vision, but it will probably not end up exactly like Antoni Gaudí imagined. More concretely, technological ingenuity has changed the way that the structure is being built. Advances in architecture, technology, and art since the late 1800's and early 1900's have CHANGED the way we build structures! The designers have remained in dialogue with the scientific advances over time and instead of rejecting them and not moving forward, they have utilized what they could in constructing this church.

A model of ministry, a technique, an idea is only effective for so long. One thing the Church has been horrific in doing, is evaluating their approaches and letting go of those things that are no longer relative in today's world. In essence, they are clinging firmly to their sacred cows, although their cows were never really sacred and died a long time back. In fact they've been clung to for so long, that the rotting meat isn't even salvageable. By that, I mean that whatever could have been salvaged from the dying program and reused in a NEW vision, has been clung to and forced upon people so much that they aren't even receptive to even those good things any more.

Ok, so you have my beef (no pun intended), now what is my proposal? Well, first, we need to do away with templates. THERE ARE NO TEMPLATES OF HOW TO DO CHURCH IN A POSTMODERN WORLD! It is all about a) who are you trying to reach, b) what are their needs c) what are your strengths and weaknesses, and d) what can you do with a,b, and c to be effective?

Second, while we're throwing away the idea of template ministry, we also should chuck the idea of "the way we've always done it." The church's architect (Christ) had a vision for his bridegroom. However, I think he knew it was always going to be in flux. That's perhaps one reason that he never spelled out what the perfect church looks like! This is the revolutionary idea (and I'm sure I'm not the first to think of it, but as of right now the first I've heard say it), that even when we catch up to the world and find something that works, as soon as it starts to be ineffective, we throw it out. There will never again be a "model of ministry" that sustains us through all eternity, and I strongly believe that there was never MEANT to be one in the first place. Yes other models worked for a while, and we will find things that work again. But the Church has to look past their bunkers and learn how to be a church in flux; always changing in order to be relevant to the people they are trying to reach!

So like La Sagrada Familia, we need to be a church that is ALWAYS under construction. we need to be building up young leaders with new ideas, not shutting them out as radicals! We need to be more open to what the needs are, and what is going on in the global community with which we should be in constant dialogue! I've talked about a church in transition (see Tim Conder's book in sidebar), but the misconception of many people is that we will transition from one stable model to another stable model. I think that way of thinking should be (this time I take full responsibility for the pun) Left Behind! The Church needs to become the Church in transition, but will have to realize that it will have to always remain a Church in transition!

The Rapture Song!?!

Left Behind (The Rapture Song)...musical parody of "wish we'd all been ready"


I've read a lot of the comments on youtube and thinkchristian blog. of course there are mixed reviews! HEY PEOPLE! you know it's ok to laugh at things in Christianity!!!!

Altho, i have to say that that the reason i became a Christian and ran down that isle was because i was scared out of hell, not because I wanted to devote my life to following the teachings and mission of Christ... so yes it does bring back some bad memories. I'm so glad the Church is past that way of thinking now! (please feel free to read sarcasm in that last line...in case you missed it!)

enjoy!

Every Aspiring Musicians Dream Gig!

I have to watch this EVERY time i go to the movies lately. Now I don't really like country music (personal prefernce), but I can't help but laugh at this! I wonder if Vince looked @ Amy one night and just said, "man, I love my undies! I just want to do a song about undies!" And, after checking his tag, asked, "I wonder if those fruit guys can sing?"

P.S. I REALLY like how serious the girls are when they show them singing along in the audience!

Cut and Run, or Stay the course?????

Mov. Cap from Dr. Stragelove....classic scene!

Well, if you were expecting a political blog you have come to the wrong place, I am not vocal about my politics. But if the title got your attention then good, stick around! I think that the title accurately describes something that I am struggling with. And since I am a minister (even if i am an unemployed minister) that believes in being transparent (human on this journey with struggles just like everyone else), I share my struggles on my blog.

So I had an interesting conversation yesterday. The conversation has given me a lot to think about in terms of my calling. So here's the skinny.

As mentioned in my last post, I am (with several others) starting a discussion group on our lives and our spirituality in a local coffee house. I' am very excited about this group, because:
1) everybody's view and opinion will be respected
2) It is a conversation not a debate
3) we really want to hear from everyone no matter where they are spiritually
4) it is NOT a church (and we have no intention of it becoming a church); but just a bunch of people sitting around chatting about their lives!
5) It is targeted at postmodern people who have been disenfranchised by the church (altho that is not a requirement for attending)!

Basically this is an open group for people to form community not related to church. It is a place where everyone is welcome and will be respected and hopefully we will have some great discussions and def. good coffee! It is a place where everyone is free to share and explore the path they are on! No Judgement! No Conformity! Just COMMUNITY:)

of course, this is not a new idea, this is something that Emergent Village has been encouraging and doing for a while now. (here's a good podcast by Tony Jones with some explinations, and here is their whole Podcast Archive to understand more.)

Ok so, to my conversation yesterday: the argument (I mean that in the purest sense of the word, we really didn't argue!) was made that because of my passion for building authentic relationships, philosophy of ministry, my being very postmodern, that I should do what many people involved with the Emergent movement are doing: get out of the mainline church, find some other way to put food on the table, and focus my ministry on Emergent/Postmodern endeavours like this coffee house community.

I won't rehash all of the compelling points that were made, but some very good things were said to make me actually think about this (many of these things are things that I've thought about before, which makes them all the more compelling). There is a belief that the mainstream church is so set in their modern ways that who I am will always be suppressed. I will never be allowed to be who God has made me at this point in my journey in a mainstream church. (by mainstream I mean mainline denominations and established churches set in the modern paradigm).

By focusing on the Emergent ministry to the emergent world (being bi-vocational and starting an Emergent Church that focuses ONLY on postmodern ministry). I am very relational in my ministry (which is a must for postmodern ministry), and I am very experiential in my general philosophy of beliefs (that an individuals experience informs (and determines (except when ignored)) the beliefs that a person chooses to believe. There is a LOT more to that and to Emergent, as well as more to postmodern ministry that i will refrain from for space!

The down and dirty is this: that I could EASILY and NATURALLY do Emergent ministry!

The Question is this: Do I want to leave the mainstream church?

I have always been in the mainstream church (baptist, altho I align with what baptists believed historically speaking, not what the stereotypical fundamentalist baptists believe), but that should not be the reason for remaining in a mainstream church. Being postmodern, I can't use words like, "because I've always done/been," because that is what needs to change in a lot of churches. I honestly feel that I have a calling and responsibility in the mainline church to help it to grow and transition (as Tim Conders talks about in his book The Church in Transition) into the emerging culture of postmodernity!

I have many gifts that would be valuable in both settings, but one unique gift I have is that even though I am postmodern personally, I can easily SWITCH back and forth from postmodern views/approaches to modern views and approaches. That means I can come out of a coffee house open discussion group outside the church walls, and walk into the sanctuary and give a lecture type bible study! Most people are one or the other, and once they emerge into postmodernity, cannot go back to more modern paradigms.

I think there are still churches out there that are interested in Transitioning in order to still be relevant in a changing world! However, whenever there is a path like that ahead, a good guide is needed. But is it true? Can I go back into the mainline church (esp. after what the mainline church has done to me...see In Repair posts below)? Can I be accepted where and who I am in a mainline church? I hope that the answer is yes, and that these type of churches exist.

Unfortunately, many mainline churches are either dead or dying because they refuse to enter into the discussion that is going on in the secular world. Many people don't understand why numerical growth is not happening in their church because they refuse to leave the safety of their modern Christian bubble and interact with the world that is moving on without them. I'm not 100% sure where my path lies, but I'm very interested in finding out!

so there you are: my struggle! What's a boy to do?

The Mainline Church:

Cut and run, or stay the course?

addendum: for explanation on the picture please see the comments section:)

In Repair (pt. 2): answering questions i've been asked

Photo by Justin, "Sphere Within A Sphere" by Arnoldo Pomodoro

In email correspondence to Jeff @ Emergent Village, a request was made by him for me to add my voice to the conversation of Christianity, as well as the world in general, about my experience with my former church (Outlined in my previous post). I have told my story in my previous post, but now want to move along to explore some questions that Jeff left me to think about. Here is a copy of that portion of the email:

Awesome Justin, so glad to hear what's happening and to see you are earning your stripes in emerging land by being fired for trying to love someone! We need your voice in this conversation - what motivated you to befriend a gay person, how it felt to be confronted on it and then to get to the level of being fired? How it is that your faith evolved differently than your colleagues or bosses? Then the whole story in the future of how this new community evolves.

To clear up that last line, I am helping to begin an Emergent style discussion group in the Apex/Holly Springs, NC area. This group is focusing on those that have been disenfranchised by the local church, and the goal is to be a safe place to come and explore spiritual ideas based on everyone's personal experiences. This will be a SAFE place to come and join in DISCUSSION about whatever we are talking about each week without fear of being chastised if your beliefs differ from someone else's. IN FACT, we hope to draw people from all walks of spiritual life, and we hope that by SHARING ideas in a PEACEFUL COMMUNITY, that our spirituality will grow both individually and corporately. This group is not a "church", but rather a community that does not seek to become a church or compete with the Church. Again, it will be a safe haven in which to gather and openly and honestly discuss each other's lives! if you think you might be interested being a part of this type of community please email me for more info at cucamel@gmail.com).

The first question deals with my motivation in befriending a gay person. I want to say, that although my church only found and focused on a singular friend who is gay, i have several homosexual friends. Unlike most Christians I have worked with over the last 9 years in ministry, I had no ulterior motive for befriending anyone in the gay community. These people that I am friends with are simply people that I have met on my journey of life. I love them for who they are and have placed no restrictions on our friendship (meaning I do not expect them to change in order to gain my friendship! That would be a very arrogant view of myself and the value of my friendship)! When asked by my church if I thought homosexuality is a choice, I replied that I have done the research and if you put it all together (both the credible and the not-so-credible) it comes out to 50/50%. As with all people that the Church has seemed to have forgotten (be it on purpose or not...not just homosexuals, but everyone who is in need in this world that we have a responsibility to love and aid), I accept each person as they are, without expectations or motives other than loving them and aiding in the fulfillment of their basic needs (I am speaking in the context of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs).

I believe that when we work towards the "Shema" (Deuteronomy 6:4-9), or the "Greatest Commandment" (Matthew 22:36-38), Loving God, and Loving Neighbor, with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength; that there is no room left in our lives to be judgmental! Judgment is reserved for God and God alone. I in no way want to be accused of taking that forbidden power from God. I believe that this more than implies meeting a person's basic human needs! In addition, according to my psychology background, and Maslow's Hierarchy, love/belonging IS a VERY BASIC HUMAN NEED. The Church as a whole has done a very poor job on helping to fill this need in the homosexual community. Homosexuals have become the modern day lepers whom we have cast out of the Christian life by our piety and judge mentality! So, I befriend everyone I meet in order to love them as I am supposed to love, and accept them for who they are.

Note that this is my personal belief!!!! I do not mind someone disagreeing with that belief, and as a minister I believe in teaching people to think for themselves and forming their own beliefs, not CONFORMING to mine or anyone else’s. I have never taught this in any church at which I have been a part. Note there is gray area in my theology, but I am fine living in the gray! I don't claim to know God's mind on this subject and anyone who does make such a claim is only fooling themselves into idolatrous thinking. I do not believe however, that a homosexual is going to hell, and I have been too exposed to studies in psychology and genetics that if i were to choose a side, I would choose that homosexuality is not a sin, but rather has a genetic or environmental correlation. If I am to error in my theology, I would rather err on the side that allows me to love unconditionally and free myself from a judgmental point of view! I have held this belief for a long time, and this is not simply a reaction to the church outing me for having a gay friend!

How did it feel to be confronted about this, and eventually (4 days later) being fired? Well, I have to say that I was very upset and angry at first. Mostly I was angry at the way I had been treated. However, I moved to pity. I can understand and respect someone that thinks homosexuality is a sin. I know all of the verses and "logic" used to make that case, and Conservative Evangelicals have been making their case loud and clear for years! I have to say that I was dumbfounded at the fact that anyone could be upset that I simply had a friend who was gay (my only words of defence to terry and my youth adult committee was simply "yeah, I have a gay friend, we are called to love everyone."). If we are called to love everyone, I couldn't understand the outrage of me simply having a friend who was openly gay. I have now moved to sadness and disappointment! I am disappointed that there are so many people that not only believe homosexuality is a sin (again, I respect that personal belief as I respect all personal beliefs), but to outwardly hate and judge is religious prejudice and piety at its finest! I feel sad for these people because they have been brainwashed over many years and generations into this kind of "racism". I am disappointed in our churches for not battling this kind of outdated and unchristian thinking! It is amazing how much like the pharisees American Christians have become!

As for the being fired portion of the question, I have to say being “asked to resign” (since that is how churches do it) is never easy. It has put my wife and me through more pain than we knew we could feel. We loved the people at my former church, and to be torn away like that has hurt more than anything I’ve ever experienced. HOWEVER, even in the midst of this, Alison and I have never been more proud of ourselves. We were able to leave with our heads held high because even in the midst of this terrible situation, everything that we said or did, we acted out of love! We did not compromise our own convictions, and we never argued or forced our beliefs on anyone! At no point do we feel like we did not honor our understanding of God, and compromise our mission to love others. That kind of pride (not pious pride, but the kind of pride when you know you weren’t selling out) brings a peace, joy, and humility like we’ve never felt before. It is this “pride”, along with our wonderful support system, that helps us through this hard time.

How it is that my faith evolved differently than your colleagues or bosses? To be honest I’m really not sure, and I hesitate to answer my gut feeling as not to sound condescending. I think that my faith has evolved because of my education. I AM NOT SAYING I AM SMARTER THAN ANYONE INVOLVED!!!!! However, I continually challenge myself and my beliefs through the publications and teachings of people who ARE far more educated than me. I give credence and respect to all beliefs and ideas that I am confronted with. I listen to what others have to say, and try to understand how their beliefs were formed in their own personal experiences. I once asked the pastor why he called out certain Christians in the academic world as being “not worth listening to” from the pulpit (among them were Spong, Crossan, and Borg). His actual statement from the pulpit was “when I see that a news program dealing with religion is going to have one of these people on as an authority, I go ahead and change the channel because I know the program isn’t worth listening to.” His answer to me was that the faith of those in the pews was too shallow, so they have to be told what and who to avoid. I asked, “isn’t it our jobs as the educators of the church to help everyone to develop a deeper ‘owned’ faith where they can listen to anyone’s views and struggle over it on their own, prayerfully? Isn’t it our job to teach them to come to us when they experience something that challenges their faith, and allow us to help them through to form their own beliefs?” The answer I received was essentially “no, it’s too hard, and they don’t want to think for themselves, they want to be told what to think!” Can I say that I disagree with that wholeheartedly?

Again, I am not saying that I am smarter than the pastor, Terry, or anyone in that church. I am humbled by the amount of things I don’t know! However, unlike MOST people who fall on the fundamentalist/conservative side (please do not read any judgment into that! In fact I hate and shy away from the use of those kinds of inaccurately used labels, but find these words needed to give the best picture of what I am going to say…), I am willing to read and listen to people whose beliefs fall all up and down the spectrum. I find it interesting how a person will call out a name in public and chastise them and their beliefs when they have never picked up a book, or sat in on a lecture by that individual. Yes, they may have heard a sermon or statement by that person, but to read a book that gives a comprehensive view of that person’s beliefs and thoughts is unthinkable. If I only read and listened to those people who agreed with me, I would never grow in my faith! I think that is the difference in where my faith is/has evolved compared to where the faith was\is in the people mentioned in part 1 of "In Repair".

I hope that this sheds some light on the questions asked, and that I have humbly added my thoughts to the conversation! IT'S OK IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, but please feel free to comment! If I can clarify in any way, let me know and I will do so! If you post a disagreement, you will not be met with me trying to persuade you otherwise, nor will you find me deleting your post. ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME HERE!

blessings,

justin

In Repair (pt. 1): what happened?

EDIT: I have changed my description referenced below... It used to read: I'm in repair..I'm not together but I'm getting there. --John Mayer  I hope this clears up any confusion.  Thanks, -j

As some may notice, I have changed the description of my blog (under the title on the left) to a quote from a John Mayer Song. I know that the quote is completely out of the context of the song's meaning, but the line kept playing over and over in my head. I think that it has meaning to me for 2 reasons. 1) because of my philosophy of ministry (that the goal of Christianity is to become the person into whom God is making us (See previous post that outlines this idea better). In essence, to become more human: meaning working towards the reconciliation with what it means (from God/Christ's standpoint) to be human.

2) The second reason the quote has held tight with me will be the purpose of this blog post. To tell the story that has in fact broken our (my wife and I) hearts and spirit. i have agonized over the posting of this story for many reasons, but the time has come upon request of several people. My disclaimer before reading forward is this: I mean no ill will towards anyone. All parties have been forgiven and are still loved. All I am concerned with is moving on and sharing my story with any that might benefit. Names have been changed, and the last thing that i wish is for harm to come upon the church in question, note that the majority of the people knew, and to my knowledge still do not know, what has happened. I will tell the story from my point of view (for it is the only point of view with which i can be accurate). And I will try to keep my conjectures to a minimum or at least warn you when we leave the area of fact and explore the desert of guesswork!

As many who know me know that i was recently the Associate Pastor and Minister of Youth at a local Baptist Church. I had been there 9 months when things fell apart. The story that follows occurred in four days! ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Day 1: Wed. June 20th
The shortened version of the story is that 1 person (Terry) decided to call a youth advisory council meeting (the adults of youth council) for June 20th and decided that he would formally attack me in front of my youth ad. Comm. (I add in here that that morning I had staff review with my pastor and he had 5 very positive points of review, and five areas to work on (which he admitted that he knew i was already improving those areas, as well as admitted that I had not been there long and how tough he realized the transition from part-time to full time, small church to med. church, and a single job description to a split job description must be.) None of which were formal complaints, but simply positive goals that we set! In no way do i claim in this situation that there were not areas that improvement could occur. I knew those areas and was already in the process of making those areas better. I do not want to send the implication that I believe myself a PERFECT minister!)

Terry had written and passed out a very harsh letter which personally blamed me for no growth at all in our youth program. The truth is that he has been to wed. night once in my 9 months there, and neither of his children have come with the exception of the eldest coming twice to help with preparation for a mission event and all three of them coming the last Wed. Night i taught in order to get their medical release forms notarized for our upcoming mission camp. Terry is a youth Sunday School teacher, but only teaches perhaps 3 times in 3 months due to the 3 person monthly rotation we were on. I sat and took notes as he berated me in front of his audience. I did cut in once or twice for explanation, but was quite angry with the way I was being humiliated and talked down to. I did not want to do or say anything that was not loving in its response! When he finished his inquisition, before i was able to calmly respond to his accusations, he called it a night and broke up the meeting. All of the complaints individually could fall under the headings of ambiguous and petty. That's not to say that they didn't warrant a response, but most came in the form of ignorance to what the youth program's purpose was (even though it is posted on line, was on the youth room wall, was spoken about in a moment for ministry from the pulpit on a Sunday morning, and was present for at LEAST one of the meetings that the youth and I spent working on putting together this missions statement), and in his understanding of growth (growth in numbers coming and number of salvations/conversions/rededications). This is not how i measure spiritual growth within a youth group.

His biggest complaint (and the one that ultimately played the biggest role) was that someone had told him that I had a gay friend on myspace. The only way to know this person was gay was to go to that person's myspace account and look at his personal page of which i have no control. Note that i was neither advocating nor advertising my position on the issue, i simply had a friend and if you clicked on his myspace page you could see that he was openly gay. I was told by Terry that, "that needs to be deleted, and I mean tonight!" AI went home and deleted my entire myspace account that same night out of respect for both the friend and Terry, although I did not agree with this ultimatum.

Day 2: Thurs. June 21st
On Thurs morn. I had a meeting with the pastor (Brad) about what had happened the night before without Brad being present. I gave him a copy of the letter from Terry, as well as my word for word notations i had made of statements that Terry had said. I had already made up my mind on how I was going to move forward with this when the pastor proceeded to give me 2 options: 1) "as the pastor and your supervisor i would tell you to make this negative into a positive. call Terry and talk with him, stick close to him and make him your best friend. Since he is a chaperoning your mission trip next week I would be by his side everywhere but the bathroom and then i would be talking to him through the door." This is in fact the decision i had already made. However, i was curious to the second option that I had not thought about. His statement confounded me: 2) "If I were a friend that you called up 5 years from now and you were in this situation and I were somewhere else and new who the people were, I would probably tell you to put out your Resume ."
I thought this strange advice, but he kept pushing me towards the first option which i was more interested in because i don't give up easily and am able to take criticism well. My response to both the pastor and terry about having a Gay friend was simply that we were to love everyone no matter what! I chose option #1 (although I have to admit that option number 2 was lurking since I was starting to see some inconstancies in how the pastor and the church were both presented to me in my interview process. There had been several times where I had been disappointed in the way things were handled and decisions that were made for various reasons, but none major enough to leave over.)

I immediately left the pastor's office and went into my own to call Terry. I told him that even though i did not agree with the way the situation was handled, I wanted us to move forward and i wanted to discuss some of his more ambiguous statements in his letter. I told him I would like his input and would like us to work towards getting on the same page and working to move forward past this incident. I was very nice and polite, and even told him that I had deleted my myspace (which he had given me the ultimatum to delete my friend the previous night, but instead I decided to delete the entire account). He was very nice and polite too! He happily said that he thought my suggestion to get together and move forward was a great idea! I later found out that he called at least 2 other families with youth that same day, that he knew would side with him. In other words, he lied to me over the phone!

I got a call Thurs. night from the pastor saying "we don't do things in the dark here at this church. I would like to bring in the head of deacons and the head of personnel tomorrow (fri.) to discuss the situation." I said I thought that was a great idea, and after hanging up I wrote up a 5 page talk points sheet for that meeting discussing the youth program, what has gone successful in 9 months (as well as the success my relational approach has had in my previous job), how relational ministry is far more effective, but cannot be measured by numbers or "salvations", areas of improvement (taken right off my staff review), and ways in which I proposed to deal with the Terry situation in order to best protect the youth.

Day 3: Fri. June 22nd
Friday I sat down with the 3 men (pastor, head of deacons, and head of personnel) and Brad began the meeting by saying, "today we don't want to talk about actions or reactions because all of those things stem from something deeper: our beliefs! So we probably should have done this a long time ago, and we should probably do this for everyone we hire, but today we just want to sit and have a theological discussion." By this he meant we want to ask me a bunch of theological questions and write down my answers.

I interject here that this is the church that chose me for the job over 100+ other candidates after a long 3 hr. interview where they asked a lot of theological questions. This is the church that ordained me, where Brad went with me to the local Baptist Association and sat through my ordination council for almost 2 hrs, where I had trained people grill me on my theology! After I walked out of the Ordination Recommendation interview, before they called me back in to give me their decision on recommending me to my church for ordination, Brad told me he had never seen anyone answer ordination/theology questions as well as I had just then. When they called us back in they said, "no one on this council has ever done this before, but we are highly impressed! We give you the highest recommendation possible, with no reservations and no areas of suggested improvement because you are very aware what areas in your theology are still growing, and you continually research and tackle those areas with diligence!" I was highly honored! All this, and added to it the countless theological discussions i had had with Brad over the 9 months, where more than once he told me that he would not lose respect for me if we disagreed on an issue, but would in fact lose respect for me if I felt like I had to conform to everything he believed.

Back to the theology meeting: I asked how asking me about my theology would improve the situation with Terry. Brad said, "I don't know. I can't see into the future to tell you what will happen, but once we do this we can move forward. this will help us to better understand and come to a decision." I then had a funny feeling and asked if my job was in jeopardy according to my answers. Brad looked at the other two men on each side of him and then said, "Again I can't say yes or no to that, we just want to sit here and have a theological discussion." At that point I thought I knew what was going to happen, so i slid my talk point notes under my folder and allowed them to ask me theology questions for over an hour, many of them so broad that no matter how I answered the intpretation could easily mean something completely different from what I truly believe if the question would have been phrased more directly. (an example: "do you believe in a literal Hell?" (what exactly does a literal hell mean? is the word "hell" in the bible? yes it is literally there? Do it is a place of fire and brimstone? what about the translation of the word Hell back to the original language. what is my view on if people go to hell when they die?... see the ambiguity and broadness of the question? (my answer by the way was simply "sure")). Immediately after they finished talking to me they went into the pastor's office and (behind closed doors, after saying we do nothing in the dark) decided my fate, or more likely, (and this is conjecture)figured out how to use my answers to justify asking for my resignation. I say this because they only met for less than 30 min.

Day 4: Sat. June 23
As I knew would happen, I went in Sat. and met again with the 3 men. I met them in the pastor's office where Brad officially asked for my resignation. I found out then that Terry and 2 other families had threatened to take their youth out of the mission trip if i went. I understood then that the pastor had been put in a tough situation, thus my conjecture as to why the theological questioning and interpretation approach was taken. I took it gracefully and without argument. I did this so well that, in the end, Brad said in front of the 2 other men that i had shown more maturity than anyone he'd ever seen in that sort of situation and had shown maturity well beyond my years. I feel now that this was a backhanded compliment meaning that i had played ball and not caused a fuss. The OFFICIAL reasoning for asking for my resignation was "theological differences and simply not a match". I agreed with the not a match, in part because of the way I had been treated and felt like i was being sacrificed. To this day my wife and I have not been told the real reason for their asking me to leave. (warning: guessing): We have a lot of circumstantial evidence that points to Brad sacrificing me to cover his own job, in addition to/or, keeping the church from having to face the issue of homosexuality (although again my stance when asked was not being judgmental and being called to love EVERYONE no matter what! I said that Judgment is reserved for God alone, and if i stay away from being judgmental, then i am free to love others unconditionally!). But that is no more than speculation based on circumstantial evidence that i have gathered.
There is no official church stance on that issue, although if it were to become an issue there would probably have to be one! From other things i do know about, I know that the issue would probably split the church, and they would lose members on one side or the other. However, that is a sad reality of growth, change, and being aligned with the Southern Baptist Convention as this church is.

I was asked to leave immediately. no telling the youth, no reading my letter of resignation to the congregation, and i was even told when i asked to call my most invloved youth workers that they would prefer that i not contact anyone! The joke was made, "we would prefer you not to contact anyone, but what can we do if you do? Fire you?" I refused to write my resignation on paper in his office but said i would type it up and send it to him or drop it by (which I have yet to do because i do not know what to write). I was assured that there was no issue of immorality or impropriety on my part in their asking for my resignation. I have this part as well as the official reason I was asked to resign in writing signed by the pastor and on his personal letterhead.

I was never told exactly what the theological differences are, even after I asked for them listed in writing. He has always been vague and ambiguous in his reasoning for my resignation. Again, I was asked to leave and not contact anyone including the youth or youth workers. My assumption is that they didn't want me to tell anyone because they didn’t want what really happen to be heard for reasons mentioned above.

I have on tape the explanation of what was at the next day's service where I mysteriously was not present. At the end of the service where the pastor stated that there were theological differences, the committees had met and had to make some tough decisions, and my resignation had been accepted. He focused most of the time on saying, "there will be NO gossip! NO parking lot committees, and NO dragging anyone's name through the mud. This will not be discussed." Here again is this order to keep quiet, only this time it was to a Baptist congregation who has EVERY reason to ask questions and know what happened.

It saddens me some of the calls that i received. Most of these calls were well meant, but because of the situation the words hit me like a bullet! "We don't know what happened and we don't want to know. But we want you to know how much you have meant to us and how much we care about you." was the main comments i heard. I was frustrated 1) because being Baptist you have the right and responsibility to know what has happened in your church! 2) because the statement left open the assumption that these people thought that I had done something wrong when in fact i had done nothing wrong in these four days! It kills me to think that those that drug me down in a VERY unchristian manner (we believe for ego and power reasons, but could not prove it. It is simply based upon what we know of these people and their life systems, analyzed by both of our psychology degrees), are not being held accountable for what they have done to my wife and I when we both acted very Christlike...even to the point of walking willingly into my sacrifice.

Again, I want to end by saying that we are seeking closure and healing. My wife and I both are "in repair...we're not together but we're getting there". Please do not go out of your way to figure out who is who, and if you do know who I am referring to I ask out of a Christian love towards them that you not spread the names to others. I know that there are things that I don't know that was said behind closed doors and in the dark. But again, I was never given a chance to correct any genuine complaints, which leaves me to believe that there were NO genuine complaints that could have been corrected. Instead, i have now become another in the growing statistic of churches who have kicked good people out for the wrong reasons!